Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Bry's Tall Tales: The Truth About 'Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer'

The truth about the 'Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer' Christmas carol is a sad one. The song was created by Robert L. May in 1939. By now, everyone knows the tune and lyrics to this evergreen classic. I remember singing it back when I was a child, thinking of the magical Rudolph who led Santa and the other reindeers to bring presents to the children one foggy Christmas eve.

The truth was far from what was told in it's lyrics though. Oddly enough, the birth of the song also marked the end of the popular modern Christmas as we know it. Christmas was marketed as a winter holiday of gifts and family reunions. What ever happened to it being Jesus Christ's birthday? That my friends, is another story. Here is what happened one Christmas eve in the early 20th century which Robert L. May wrote about...

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

....
The continuing verse leads us to believe that Rudolph did indeed take lead and saved Christmas. but truth is after Santa requested of his assistance...

"You want me to guide your sleigh? After all the sh*t you and these g*ddamn idiots put me through these past 12 months?? Coz Dasher is dashing, and Prancer is faster than I am?? Cause Comet is fairer and Cupid is cuter than I am?? Sticks and stones may break my bones, but screw you I'm gonna destroy Christmas!"

Santa looked shocked and apologized on behalf of the other reindeers.

"Hah! Screw you fat ass! I'm gonna stay put eat some north pole grass and sh*t all over your winter wonderland coz that's what you get when you f*ck with me Nick! When tomorrow comes, everyone will remember my name when this holiday arrives! Wahaahahahah!"
Rudolph went on and did as he said, and left the North Pole to start up a traffic light business in Canada.

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!


Thus ends the modern Hallmark Christmas. No more chimneys for you Santa!~

3 comments:

YJ said...

Shit! Didn't notice you were back to blogging already! Anyways, your latest post just spoiled my perception of my favorite reindeer of all.. =P

P.S. Got space for your tag team partner to go to UK with you?

Bry™ said...

YJ!! Yea man! Come along! Gotta book your tixx now!!

YJ said...

Haha.. No money how to book? Let me save up first la.. Already applying some of the tips you have shared so far..